Missing My Baby's First Birthday -- On Purpose
Your kid’s first birthday. It’s kind of a huge deal. You and your baby have made it through.
By this point, you've managed to change about 1,040 diapers. You've somehow still got through each day, even though you've lost about 44 days of sleep. If you've been exercising and eating healthy, you're probably back to your pre-pregnancy weight (or very close to it).
And best of all, you've managed to go a year without killing your baby, while also preventing your baby from killing itself. You're a hero.
And you are both SURVIVORS.
Again, huge deal. Lots to celebrate.
Except...I’m not going to be celebrating my son’s first birthday on his actual birthday. Instead, I’m going to be eating and drinking my way through Mexico City with my husband, as we celebrate our friend’s birthday.
As I clicked on the ‘Purchase’ button for those Mexico City flight tickets, the thoughts relentlessly trickled in.
“Damn woman. You’re a terrible mother.”
“How could you be so selfish?”
“Your baby is going to look back on this and hate you for it.”
And then I told myself to shut the F*#@ up.
First off, my little man isn’t even going to remember his first birthday. At this point in his life, he can only remember back up to 4 months earlier, which is a shorter memory span than that of a goldfish. This was my biggest reason for thinking it was okay to click buy. Every birthday moving forward, he will remember, and I will be there for every moment. Unless...of course….a ladies trip to Lisbon happens on the same day. Juuussst kiiiddding.
Secondly, it’s a well-known fact that first birthdays aren’t really for the baby. They’re for the parents. This is because the baby has no idea what’s going on. Sure, my son may understand that something unusual is happening. But why are people singing to him? What are they singing? And the cake -- it’s friggin’ delicious, but why does he need to eat it? If he could say “no clue,” at that point, that’s what he would be saying.
Thirdly, we’re throwing a big celebration for him the following weekend anyway. And we’re also going to be doing a small, more intimate family celebration before we leave for Mexico. Even though both of these dates won’t fall on his actual birthday, it’s not a huge deal. Now he gets two celebrations instead of only one. It’s a win win. And let’s not forget that lots of birthday celebrations don’t even fall on the actual date of birth -- especially if that day happens to be a work day.
Lastly, I deserve a break every now and then from parenthood. These breaks will help sustain me through the incredibly challenging, tiresome, and long journey of life as a mom. And these moments of separation, fleeting as they are, will only help me be even more present during the times when I am with my baby.
Remember, just because you have a baby, doesn’t mean your pre-baby life needs to stop entirely. Imagine what kind of person you would end up becoming, not to mention the type of parent you would be, if you forgot to cater to your own needs. It’s not going to be a pretty situation for anyone, including your baby.