What I Didn't Anticipate As a New Mom

​I'm the type of person who does her research and chats up the more experienced folk so I could fully anticipate what being a new mom would be like. I was aware of the sleep deprivation. I knew about the potential hormonal roller coasters. But I had no idea how it all would affect me. Below are the main things that came as a surprise to me. 

I was a bawling machine any time I saw a baby in danger. 
I remember the moments distinctly. My son was just a few weeks old. I was watching a scene in Will Smith's “Bright” of an elf about to eat a baby in its crib. Then there was that episode called “Crocodile” from the series “Black Mirror” where a woman murders an infant in his crib because she thinks he has seen her commit a crime. And lastly, that time I was getting my hair done at the salon and reading a horrific story in People magazine about a woman who was pregnant for 8 months and murdered by her neighbors because they wanted her baby. 

Anger, fear, and sadness enveloped me in torrential waves. So much so that I found myself crying and turning away at these scenes. Obviously, these are terrible things to encounter, regardless of whether or not you're a mother. But what surprised me was how strongly I was experiencing these emotions — something I did not feel as much when I wasn't a mom. My level of empathy was deeper than it was before.

Now, I use this deeper level of empathy to forge stronger connections with the people who are in my life or come into my life. While I may turn away during those moments on the big screen when someone (particularly a kid) is in danger, I'm not going to shy 

away from a series or movie just because it's violent. I may have gone a bit more soft, but I haven't lost my edge (or so I like to think, because my “edge” could be someone else's dull blade).

​I despised my husband.
Everything he did was annoying to me. The way he played with our baby — it was way too rough. The kid just came into this world three weeks ago! And why didn't he seem to understand that the natural thing to do when a baby is crying is not to sit there and stare at him, but to try and soothe him? Even the way he did our son's diapers — I swear his method caused those shitty leaks. And why the HELL could he sleep through our baby's cries??? Was he deaf?!?

All of these thoughts raced through my head, and then some. Deep down, I knew he was a great father and he was trying his best. Therefore, I felt really bad about thinking these thoughts, so I decided to do some research to see if this was normal — and apparently, it's absolutely normal.

If this sounds like you, there could be multiple reasons why you despise your significant other. Sleep deprivation could be one reason — it's a real bitch. Or perhaps you're not hydrating enough — this is especially more common for breastfeeding Moms. It could also just be those irksome hormones that are extremely challenging to control. Typically, you're back to your normal self after several weeks, so hang in there. And if this issue continues to persist, consider seeing a therapist or doctor (in case it's post-partum depression or something else serious).

For me, the combination of all the above was a perfectly concocted cocktail that spewed fire at the man sleeping next to me. But I got over it after a few weeks. My husband is my absolute best ally for raising our child. And for the sake of sounding cheesy, “teamwork makes the dream work.”

I had no interest in sex — after months and months of abstinence. 
My flower was dry from lack of watering, and I didn't care. I happen to be surrounded by wives and mothers who are horn balls, which made me think I was the outlier for having no interest in sex. But, as I researched, I learned I represented the majority of women.

I felt like I would start to have more interest in sex after 8 weeks of my body healing. But no, this wasn't the case. I started working out again right when I could. I gradually lost the weight and felt more like myself over time. Still, the desire wasn't there.

I stopped nursing at six months, and it wasn't until then that the thought of sex didn't make me want to puke. Even now, more than seven months since I gave birth, I'm still getting accustomed to the thought of being sexually active again. Sex is now this foreign activity I need to figure out — like a tennis player getting back out on the court after a season of injury. I need to learn how to handle all those balls flying in my face. And in my case, just two.

New and experienced moms: what were some of the things you didn't anticipate once you became a mother? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below! ​