Sexy Dad Alert!
What type of man is sexy to you?
Maybe it’s the lumberjack. He’s in a forest, his sinewy muscles showing through his folded up flannel sleeves as he wields his axe through a tree, over and over.
Is it the fireman? He’s rushing out of a burning house carrying a child in his arms. His face is covered in soot and sweat, ever the noble hero.
Could it be the CEO? I’m not talking Jeff Bezos, or Bill Gates, or Marc Benioff (though if you like the older type, I’m not judging). I’m thinking more like Pete Cashmore or Evan Spiegel. Young, successful, rich. Nerds with power.
Wait, maybe it’s the musician. His voice silky smooth as he says your name, his fingers precise as he strikes the strings on his guitar. He could look into the depths of your soul and sing his way into your pants.
This list is far from exhaustive. And if you’re like me, you probably find all of those guys sexy in their own way. But, there’s one type of guy who I think is sexier than all of them.
That man is the dad. And I’m not talking any dad. I’m referring to the young dad I see playing with his kids in the park. The dad kissing the ouchie on his child’s knee. The dad making and feeding his kid dinner.
There’s just something so, so sexy about a man who is present for his children. I think it’s because I’m seeing another side of the man -- a tender, soft, more vulnerable side. Someone who is helping out in the household and taking the pressure off of mom. Someone who isn’t after his own agenda. Someone who isn’t afraid to look less macho.
This was one of the reasons why I was so excited to have a child with my husband. I was eager to see this side of him -- a very sexy man magically turn into a very sexy dad. Bow chica wow wow.
Girl, was I in for a surprise.
Not only was my husband (now dad) not sexy to me, I hated his presence in the early months post baby. At one point, I had to Google “is it normal to hate your husband after kids” (and by the way, there are millions of articles on Google about this, so it’s actually very normal).
He was doing everything that I thought sexy dads did. He took our baby to the swings in the park -- but he was swinging him too high. He changed our child’s diapers -- but he was wrapping him up all wrong. He made and fed our son dinner -- but it was too hot or the spoonfuls were too big. In my eyes, he was incompetent, and in the worst case, a villain endangering our son.
Then there’s the added resentment I had around things that were entirely out of my (or his) control. Why was it me that had to be pregnant? Why did I need to experience the excruciating pain of delivering this baby into this world? Why the hell did I need to be the one with sore nipples and milk-clogged ducts?
Now, for all you dads reading this, before you think I’m a crazy mom bitch, you have to hear me out. Same for all you moms (though my guess is you can probably relate at least a little). I hated my husband when I was sleep deprived. I resented him when my hormones were telling me to laugh, scream, and cry all at the same time. I despised him when all I could see was a never-ending pile of poopy diapers, dirty bottles, and a screaming infant sucking the life out of me. The perspective I had was narrow, irrational, and toxic.
Fast forward to now, 16 months post delivery. I’m no longer sleep deprived on a regular basis. My body is back to the way it used to be (at least on the outside). My hormones are no longer zigzagging about. And I’ve taken it upon myself to take a step back, let him do things his own way, and not be so critical. There’s days where it comes easier than others. But all in all, we’ve fallen into a comfortable “new normal.” Though I’m not ready to pounce on my husband the moment he gets home every day, I am finally starting to see this new “sexy dad” side of him.