What Type of Parent Are You?
The craziness over the past week surrounding the Felicity Huffman scandal (an actress who allegedly paid a college admissions consultant a lot of money to get her children into elite colleges), has uncovered yet another controversial parenting technique: snow plowing.
Naturally, this motivated me to go into full research mode to understand what this latest technique was and how it was different from other controversial parenting styles, like helicopter, tiger, and free-range parenting. All of these are styles I don’t aim on embracing because of the negative effects each can have on children if taken to the extreme. (But I have a feeling I am, or will be, a little bit of all of them in moderation).
Here they are in a nutshell:
Snowplow parenting: someone who is always forcibly removing obstacles out of their kids’ paths, with an eye on future success for the kid.
Helicopter parenting: these people hover and micro-manage everything their kid does everywhere, out of fear.
Tiger parenting: strict, demanding parents who also resort to violence or shame when pressuring their kids to attain high levels of academic achievement.
Free-range parenting: people who are constantly encouraging their children to be independent and with limited parental supervision -- sometimes so much so that they’re accused of being neglectful.
Other than also being extreme, free-range parenting feels like it’s in its own category when comparing the styles. But the other three share similarities. To better understand the differences, I decided to put myself in the shoes of all of them and think through the ways they would respond to certain obstacles with their children.
Here’s what I put together:
When thinking about preschool for their child.
Snowplow: So what if she’s not born yet? I’m signing her up now so we get a head start.
Helicopter: Unborn baby signed up for daycare? Check. Signed up for preschool? Check. Now it’s time to read and play Beethoven so she can listen in the womb.
Tiger: Do they teach music and math? Yes? Okay, let’s do it.
Free-range: Yea, let’s sign him up for preschool I guess. And then let’s show him the route back home so he can walk by himself. It’s only a couple blocks.
When their child doesn't like sauce on food.
Snowplow: I show him all the non-sauce items on the menu. And I make sure not to include sauce when I cook for him.
Helicopter: He doesn’t like nuts, eggs, avocados, blueberries, feta cheese, and shellfish either. I make his daily meals so he doesn’t have to eat them.
Tiger: You best believe she's going to eat that sauce. Otherwise, she’ll be eating soap instead.
Free-range: She's been making her own meals since she was 5. I don't think there's been sauce in them.
When their kid is trying out for a sports team and did not make it.
Snowplow: Hey coach. Just so we’re clear, he can still get on your team, yea? No? Would you like to go to the Superbowl?
Helicopter: I called him right at 4:45p to see if he got in. If he didn’t, it’s time to twirl my magic wand and transform into a snowplow.
Tiger: [Looks at kid with shame]. Try another sport. And don't you dare stop there. You better be taking those clarinet lessons too.
Free-range: You were trying out for a sports team? Which one?
When their child forgets an assignment at home.
Snowplow: I’ll run the assignment to school and apologize to the teacher on behalf of my child.
Helicopter: Watchutalkingbout? My kid’s homework assignment was already in her backpack. I packed it last night after I made her school lunch at 10:01pm. No sauce, just the way she likes.
Tiger: When that kid gets back home, he’s going to kneel on salt for an hour.
Free-range: Leave it, of course. This shit happens all the time. He’ll learn someday.
When their child gets a bad grade in school.
Snowplow: Ms. Sanders, my son doesn't deserve this grade. He doesn't deserve anything bad to happen in life.
Helicopter: I already knew he was getting a bad grade because I read through his text thread with Cassie. Already called the teacher to change it.
Tiger: HOW. COULD. THIS. BE? I hit him with a stick the last time he got a bad grade.
Free-range: Probably not a subject she was interested in anyway. She’ll figure it out.
When it's ACT time and they're not sure their child will pass.
Snowplow: Hello ACT expert test taker. I’ll pay you $5K to take the test for my daughter.
Helicopter: Purchase all of the prep books. Create a study plan. Administer practice tests. And if all fails, do what the snowplow parent would do.
Tiger: My child will pass. If he doesn’t, he’s garbage and deserves a belting.
Free-range: What’s the ACT again? Is that an acting class?
When it's college application time and they're not confident their child will get in.
Snowplow: Coach Carter, I can give you front row seats to the Superbowl this year if you say my son tried out for your team and was badass in it.
Helicopter: I’ve applied her to a few other state schools in case. But she’s already gotten into my first pick because I opened the envelope to check. Don't worry -- I sealed it back up again, so we’re good.
Tiger: All of my children will make it into a university. And those who don’t will be disowned.
Free-range: He's over 18. Out of my hands.
When their adult child gets a bad credit score.
Snowplow: Impossible. I signed her up for a credit card and have been making auto-payments since she was a baby.
Helicopter: She’s already an authorized user on my credit card account and I’m also her cosigner. It helps me keep tabs on everything.
Tiger: I don’t know that information. My son stopped talking to me years ago.
Free-range: Again, he's an adult. None of my business now.
Soooo...what type of parent are you? Leave it in the comments below.