UTI I Need To Get Rid of You

So, let’s go back to the early 2000s, when I was in college. I was in the fitting room in a store on Telegraph, trying on a Cal Bear sweatshirt. Suddenly, I had a very urgent need to pee. I ran out of the fitting room and asked one of the workers if there was a restroom in the store. To my dismay, the answer was no. And I had no idea where the closest restroom was. 

I rushed back into the fitting room and, in utter desperation, proceeded to do the unthinkable. My indecisiveness caused me to leak into my pants, while the rest filled up the floor. It burned while coming out.

WTF had just happened?! In Steve Urkel’s famous words, “Did I do that?” 

​I quickly called my best friend and roomie to pick me up and take me home. I told her the whole story as she hurried her ass over, laughing like a banshee. I left the fitting room, both mortified and relieved. Because of guilt (and necessity), I purchased the sweater I tried on and wrapped it around my now pee-soaked pants. I ran out of the store to find my friend waiting in her car by the curb, door wide open, garbage bag covering the entire passenger seat. Smart. 

Yes, there was still a puddle of pee in the fitting room. Yes, some poor store clerk had to clean it up. And yes, I was very ashamed. 

So that’s my most embarrassing UTI story -- something I will never forget. Since then, I’ve experienced a handful of UTIs, but nothing of such uncomfortable, horrifying magnitude. I thought my UTI stories were behind me.

​Until I got pregnant. About 5 months into my pregnancy, my OB told me I had a UTI. I took some antibiotics, only to have the UTI come back soon after I was done taking my medication. Luckily, I didn’t experience any of the really uncomfortable symptoms with these ones. But my doctor was worried they would impact my pregnancy, and so prescribed antibiotics for the rest of it. It was a bummer, but something I thought would be temporary, so I took it with stride.

Fast forward to today, over a year after I gave birth. I’ve experienced about 5-6 UTIs. Painful, uncomfortable ones. They started coming back shortly after I stopped breastfeeding. I’ve seen a urologist and have taken several types of antibiotics. At this point, I was getting very worried about what they were doing to my body. I believe in western medicine, but I also believe in trying to let your body fight things out naturally if you can make it happen.

So I decided to take an alternative route: acupuncture. Now, you might be thinking — how the hell can needles in your body help a UTI disappear? I had never been to an acupuncturist before, and I thought the same exact thing as you. I showed up to the office fairly skeptical. I mean, what’s this whole business of “chi” anyway? And really, you can tell if I’m healthy or not by looking at my tongue?! This felt more like I was in the land of fairies, and crystal balls, and flying horses. But at this point I was getting desperate, and I didn’t think things could get any worse. 

Turns out, acupuncture can help a ton — not only with UTIs, but a bunch of other ailments. During my second session, I showed up with the familiar burning sensation of a UTI and also had a cold. I was a hot mess (or rather, cold mess). But right after I left the acupuncture office, my runny, stuffy nose was gone. It only took one painless needle prick to my nose. It felt like a miracle to me. After my third or fourth session, my UTIs disappeared. Now I’m in the process of weaning off acupuncture, only going once a month for the next couple months. And then after that, only on an as-needed basis. They’ve given me a few herbs to take along with my treatments.

All of this is 100% natural. No medication needed. 

​Bye bye anti(biotics). Bye bye UTI. Bye bye pee-soaked pants.